Lockdown

I had so many plans for 2020. After a horrible 2019, this year was meant to be a lot better. The end of 2019 was promising and so this year looked positive…

Now we are on our second lockdown due to the Corona virus pandemic. The first one was hard to adapt. The level of anxiety was through the roof. I felt like my whole world was collapsing. It’s one thing to stay indoors when you want to or when you find it hard to leave the house, but to have to stay indoors because you’re forced to is different. I missed having that choice. I felt claustrophobic.

It was puzzles surprisingly that got me through that time – puzzles and creativity. I learned to adapt to having to stay 2m away from people and only going out alone for fresh air.

This time around – lockdown part 2- I’m finding harder than the first time. The boredom is endless. Yes I have things I have to do but those things don’t bring me joy. I’m forced to find things in the house to do that I have little or no interest in because I just want my life back.

Pre Corona, my mental health was in an even keel. This year it’s fluctuated so much I don’t always know where I am with it. I thought I was ready for another lockdown but it quickly became clear that I feel trapped again. I’m finding it hard to fill my time with activities. I’m feeling more tired. My mind is racing. I’m having trouble keeping still and relaxing.

I’m taking one day at a time. In these trying times who knows what will happen tomorrow?!

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