In the graveyard hours

Everything seems to be heightened at night. I’m not sure if its because we know everyone else is asleep and feel alone or because the dark makes everything seem scarier. Maybe its a bit of both….

I hate the feeling of laying awake at night whilst everyone else is sleeping and experiencing anxiety. Its awful. You feel alone because there’s nobody to talk to and suddenly you feel like you cannot cope with it. Its made worse by the fact you’re beating yourself up for not sleeping, thinking about what you’ve got to get up for the next day.

I lay awake stuck in terror worrying about how ill feel the next day due to lack of sleep, plus everything else I am worrying about, including whatever it was that made me anxious AND worrying about being anxious! Its no wonder I wake up tired in the morning.

I think the nighttime reminds me of the darkness of ill mental health. The negative thoughts, the struggle, the low moments. Hence why we tend to feel they are heightened during these hours. The fear of feeling this way in the nighttime has developed a fear in me of going to sleep.

I know it’s down to overthinking about sleep. I also know it wont last forever. Mainly because I wont let it.

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